I wanna bring you to show and tell
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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