if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
