new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
