Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
