sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
