i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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