didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
