I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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