so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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