If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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