I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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