Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
