He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
