There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
