He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
