Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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