so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
