My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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