quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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