I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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