remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
