apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
