i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
