Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
