Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
