I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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