I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
