Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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