I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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