I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
