Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
