well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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