Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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