tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This house was built for laser tag.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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