weddingsv make me drug and hornr
there's paper in my vomit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
