omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
