Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
