the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
