Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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