I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
