I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
