She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
