You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
