remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
