my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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