everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think my moral compass just broke
Congratulations! We have a period
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
