My room smells like vodka and shame
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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