i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
