Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
