We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She bit a glass in half.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
